Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Getting Worked

In primary care, you have to keep your wits about you. Often medicine is the easy part; identifying, understanding, and dealing with secondary motivations that patients have can be tough. You hope that your Spidey-Sense is about you, most of the time.

But sometimes it isn't.

Like when you are writing chronic narcotics for patients with well-documented and legitimate pain issues, but when you check a random drug screen it's negative for narcs and positive for cocaine.

Or when the patient you put on disability for oh-my-aching-back can't call you back since he's out hunting for the week.

I got worked today. The perpetrator: 3 years old.

He was nervous for his well child check. Cute kid, I don't really know him that well, and don't at all blame him for being nervous. But we had a good time, played a little, used my favorite trick of looking for the belly button on his foot (always gets a laugh from a 3 year old). The exam was over, he was roaming the room while I talked car seats and sunscreen with mom.

He approached me, tugging on my arm. "Dodder. Dodder. DODDER!"

"Yes, cutie."

"Dodder, I wub you."

So cute. So innocent. So sweet.

"May I have a kiss please, right on my cheek?"

He obliged.

But whilst he was planting a big wet one on my cheek, his hand was slipping into the pocket of my lab coat, and pilfering my prescription pad.

Smooth operator, that one.


Eric, AKA The Pragmatic Caregiver said...

It's the fentanyl suckers.

Sweet raspberry narcosis.....

*falls asleep drooling on keyboard*

rlbates said...

He may be trouble with a capital T when he gets older -- cute and slick hands.

Rob said...

These little ones are salve to a tired soul. They are so wonderful when you have "one of those days." Heck, they are wonderful any day. It's when your patients are better for you than you are for them.

Country Doc said...

The kids usually work me over for a handful of flavored tongue depressors and a roll of stickers by the time they're done with me.

pisceshanna said...

Lol hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Would it make you feel any better if I told you that I wub you too, Dodder Smak?

Xavier Emmanuelle said...

That's TOO cute!!